Today we went to Taco Bell for a quick lunch. I hate to admit it, but it's true; I don't always eat organic vegan meals. So there I was, standing behind a blonde woman in a fleece vest, henley shirt, and jeans, waiting to order Mexican-style-ish food. Suddenly, the Casual Thursday woman sees an employee approaching from the "kitchen" or "assembly line" and loudly exclaims to her,
"I tried it! It was WONDERFUL! So good, I wish I had ordered it before!"
She was about to order food, she was talking about food she had recently tried, and she was remembering food she wished she had ordered differently. And she was at Taco Bell. And she didn't weight 350 pounds. Something was up.
This woman continued to rave on about the deliciousness of "it" to the girl from the assembly line while the employee behind the register waited patiently. She finally realized that there were people in line behind her and she whips around and shouts generally in the direction of my face,
"We are talking about their extra-large chalupa! It's SO good, you should order it!"
And then she turns back and quickly places her to go order and steps aside.
I felt bad about stepping up and ordering something completely different from her recommendation, but I can't eat beef. And I really can't eat beef and cheese. And then she said it...
The loud, oddly not obese, Taco Bell enthusiast says to her friend,
"I wonder if you can get whiplash from falling and hitting your head, because my neck is killing me!"
I am glad her order was "to go" because I had to hold my breath until they left.
----------------------------------------------------------
BWAHH-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAA!!!!! That explains it!
Random attempts at humor writing by a lefty.
11/06/2010
11/04/2010
Reading, writing, and 'makesmesick
After searching for and reading many blogs by writers, aspring writers, humorists, aspiring humorists, and wiseacres who need a better outlet; I have come to one conclusion -
I suck!
-like a weasel (for the "clean" freaks out there)
----------------------------------------------------------------
See? I forgot eggs! I suck - eggs like a weasel!
I suck!
-like a weasel (for the "clean" freaks out there)
----------------------------------------------------------------
See? I forgot eggs! I suck - eggs like a weasel!
11/01/2010
Excuse Me, I Stink!
Why do Southerners say "excuse me" so often? If you pass by someone at five feet, there is no need to say "excuse me" unless you just emitted some sort of invisible cloud. Every small request does not have to be prefaced by "excuse me" as if you were interrupting and causing a commotion. Let's look at the common questions which, in The South are too often prefaced by "excuse me".
First with the pet phrase:
"Excuse me. Do you have the time?"
"Excuse me. Do ya'll carry the new Tide with colorsafe?"
"Excuse me. I think you are standing on my foot."
Now without:
"Do you have the time?"
"Do ya'll carry the new Tide?"
"OWWWW!!!"
See? Much better and more efficient. Besides, "excuse me" seems to mean that you need to be given an excuse for some type of inappropriate behavior. What's inappropriate and why would someone ask a stranger for an excuse immediately after behaving inappropriately? That makes me think that when someone passes by and says, "excuse me" that I should offer an excuse for them; such as, "Maybe you had the broccoli at lunch and it doesn't agree with you."
Some unnecessarily polite Grammar Snob has informed me (and others) that we should be saying "pardon me" instead; but "pardon" is forgiveness for a crime. Surely, walking past someone on the grocery aisle isn't a crime! On the other hand, it should be a crime to behave as if you are too good to offer even a simple "excuse me" when you actually need to pass through or interfere in some way. There are those people at the grocery store, too - and in the library stacks and in museums... - breathing down your neck, but not saying a word. They come up behind and just stand there, waiting for their presence to be detected by the heavy breathing.
Come on! I'm not telepathic and sometimes I need to stop and consider a purchase, or snatch a knot in a child, or greet a friend. So why don't you say something like,
"Coming through here!"
"Would you mind stepping aside?"
or even, "Excuse me!
Don't just stand there and huff. And please, if you aren't too wide to fit past, go ahead and pass! You don't need the extra five feet of clearance - unless, like I said, you need to an excuse for your fumes.
First with the pet phrase:
"Excuse me. Do you have the time?"
"Excuse me. Do ya'll carry the new Tide with colorsafe?"
"Excuse me. I think you are standing on my foot."
Now without:
"Do you have the time?"
"Do ya'll carry the new Tide?"
"OWWWW!!!"
See? Much better and more efficient. Besides, "excuse me" seems to mean that you need to be given an excuse for some type of inappropriate behavior. What's inappropriate and why would someone ask a stranger for an excuse immediately after behaving inappropriately? That makes me think that when someone passes by and says, "excuse me" that I should offer an excuse for them; such as, "Maybe you had the broccoli at lunch and it doesn't agree with you."
Some unnecessarily polite Grammar Snob has informed me (and others) that we should be saying "pardon me" instead; but "pardon" is forgiveness for a crime. Surely, walking past someone on the grocery aisle isn't a crime! On the other hand, it should be a crime to behave as if you are too good to offer even a simple "excuse me" when you actually need to pass through or interfere in some way. There are those people at the grocery store, too - and in the library stacks and in museums... - breathing down your neck, but not saying a word. They come up behind and just stand there, waiting for their presence to be detected by the heavy breathing.
Come on! I'm not telepathic and sometimes I need to stop and consider a purchase, or snatch a knot in a child, or greet a friend. So why don't you say something like,
"Coming through here!"
"Would you mind stepping aside?"
or even, "Excuse me!
Don't just stand there and huff. And please, if you aren't too wide to fit past, go ahead and pass! You don't need the extra five feet of clearance - unless, like I said, you need to an excuse for your fumes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)