Top ten reasons you can only come up with "dirty" jokes:
10. You spend a lot of your time talking to sex addicts and heavy masturbators.
9. You try to come up with your material while playing "guitar" for def chics.
8. You still think you are a participant in trials for Cialis.
7. You haven't figured out that you should schedule your late night gigs telling jokes to winos during your wife's "special time of the month" and GO HOME with wine on the other nights!
6. Dirty jokes suit the quality of audience in the clubs that will give you mic time.
5. When you said you really wanted to come up with a set you could do in front of your kids - you were LYING!
4. Your mother was an empathic and "generous" woman. (That's right, yo' mama!)
3. Your braille underwear is too tight.
2. You think: "If it was funny in middle school, it's funnier now."
Number 1 reason you can only come up with "dirty" jokes:
..................................................................................................
YOU ARE BASICALLY JUST A RAGIN' PERVERT!
: O : O : D ; )
Random attempts at humor writing by a lefty.
5/03/2010
5/02/2010
Interpreting Dreams
Some people are really into the interpretation of dreams. Dreams may be glimpses into one's future or messages from God. Some people believe dreams are psychic phenomena that reveal clues to unsolved mysteries or the mysteries of our true inner selves. I have to wonder what those who ascribe such weight to dreams would think of my dreams. And in case I haven't made it clear, I'm talking about those images and experiences that happen in my brain while I'm sleeping. I'm not referring to dreamy daytime thoughts or my goals for the future.
My nighttime dreams are usually extremely mundane. Mundane as in ordinary, daily life boring. Like when I dreamed that I locked my keys in my car and just as I was about to get upset, I realized, "Oh, I have a keypad on the door and I KNOW THE CODE!" So I got in my car and went on. I might dream about cleaning a spot on the carpet or going for a walk in my neighborhood. Really boring stuff. I wonder if this has any meaning for me. Maybe it means I'm boring or my life is boring. It could be my unconscious brain telling me that I need to get out more. Or maybe just the opposite - I should be happy with what I have and where I am right now and not seek more. I don't know.
However, I am pretty sure that the absence of other people in most of my dreams means I don't have many friends. And I'm also pretty sure that I don't know where the killer hid the body.
Well, I'm off to bed. Hopefully I'll dream that I got all the laundry done and not have that nightmare about preparing my tax return again.
My nighttime dreams are usually extremely mundane. Mundane as in ordinary, daily life boring. Like when I dreamed that I locked my keys in my car and just as I was about to get upset, I realized, "Oh, I have a keypad on the door and I KNOW THE CODE!" So I got in my car and went on. I might dream about cleaning a spot on the carpet or going for a walk in my neighborhood. Really boring stuff. I wonder if this has any meaning for me. Maybe it means I'm boring or my life is boring. It could be my unconscious brain telling me that I need to get out more. Or maybe just the opposite - I should be happy with what I have and where I am right now and not seek more. I don't know.
However, I am pretty sure that the absence of other people in most of my dreams means I don't have many friends. And I'm also pretty sure that I don't know where the killer hid the body.
Well, I'm off to bed. Hopefully I'll dream that I got all the laundry done and not have that nightmare about preparing my tax return again.
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